i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
