Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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