i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
