I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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