; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
