all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
