Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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