She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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