she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
