ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
