I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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