We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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