What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
