Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
