Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This baby is an asshole
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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