Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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