I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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