Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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