he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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