The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
