we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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