I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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