Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize