i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
