covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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