Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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