Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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