gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
