We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize