You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
