no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
