it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
