just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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