The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
