do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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