I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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