He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
