Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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