I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
