ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize