i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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