I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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