for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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