i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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