Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
