bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
