Say something about gay babies.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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