Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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