You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
