will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
