Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
