birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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