Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
