What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
