It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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