peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
