If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
