Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
