I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
