You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
