I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
