I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
