i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize