I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
