just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
