So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
