i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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