i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
