Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
