I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
